COMPLETELY in love

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In that can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t do anything but think of him when I’m not with him and can’t hold down a conversation when I am.

Michael, I’m sorry but there’s this tiny and new little ginger who has absolutely stolen my heart.  And yours (I’ve know you a long time, dear husband, and I’ve never ever ever ever seen you soooo happy.) 

And Marshall has the hearts of all of our family who drove out just to meet him.  And the nurses. And all the staff.

And all of the people rooting us on.

Speaking of hearts, Marshall’s condition is as they determined while we were here in early December.

This fact keeps me in the moment. It’s all we have. Truly it’s all any of us have. 

D-E-L-A-Y-E-D

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6:26 a.m.

My phone roared (as mom of the wild boys, it only makes sense that my ringtones is a jungle/tribal tune, right?)

I was in the shower trying to shock myself awake after only 4 hours of sleep.

6:48 a.m.
I checked my voicemail.  There’s an issue at Boston Children’s. I followed the nurse’s instructions to call back.
Due to the unforeseeable, there are no beds at Children’s cardiac icu at this time.

And so we wait…..

9:06 a.m. They called! Time to go have a baby!

10:40 checked in and soooo thankful that I’m not the woman (or her husband) in active labor that I watched as she waited to be admitted…

12:00 iv in, blood work sent, monitors on, quick ultrasound
…and more waiting. To nap or not to nap?

12:46 woman from 10:40’s shrieks were too loud to be ignored. Baby cries followed. Her little one is here!
Thank goodness for small miracles ♥

12:52 almost time…

Direct Orders

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Marshall and I had our last (tearful) ob appointment today.  Nurse Tammy asked how I was doing as I stepped on the scale.

I burst into tears.

Marshall passed his non-stress test again with “good oxygenation” and “accelerations.”
My blood pressure is high. Not dangerously so but concerning for someone whose blood pressure is generally low enough to have people joke “are you alive?”

And then there’s the contractions. They are mostly imperceptible by me but according to the monitor were 2 minutes-ish apart and short. At this rate, according to Dr K, Nurse Tammy, and what little I know of natural birth, it could take days if not weeks for my body to allow Marshall’s evacuation. And quite frankly I’d rather be shot (as I confessed to Nurse Tammy)…give me morphine and scalpels please.

Nurse Tammy sat with me today and listened to my endless chatter (I am typically quiet but when I’m stressed, I don’t shut up) until Dr K came in. He analyzed the printout of the nonstress test.

He mentioned something about “checking [my] cervix.” I said absolutely not. He stated he’s in town today and tomorrow. And issued direct orders to go to the ER in the same town as his office if we “have an emergency situation.” I agreed. Then filled him in on our plans to head out to Boston.

“Let us know how you make out. We’re sending our prayers.”

I thanked him profusely. Nurse Tammy was in another exam room as I left so sadly I couldn’t extend any more thanks or even a “proper” (not that there is one) goodbye.
I wanted to hug them both for putting up with me.

When duty calls…

Marshall Now Has A “Special Blankie”

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The words “special blankie” may conjure images of Linus from the Peanuts to you.  But for me, they are something full of good memories.

Each of the wild boys began life wrapped in handknit blankets.  My oldest and middle sons were given theirs by his Grandma Penny after it was made by an especially kind woman I’d known my entire childhood through adulthood as “Grandma N.”

My oldest has been so attached to his blanket that he still slept with it while he was enjoying “older childhood” (and will likely be upset that I mentioned it but hopefully will forgive me).

My middle wild boy had two special blankies – one made by Grandma N and one purchased by his paternal grandmother.  He, his binkie, and his “special blankies” were inseparable as they weathered infancy.  As he grew up, he covered himself with Grandma N’s and wore holes so big in the one from his paternal grandma that I had to take it away in fear he’d get tangled in it.

My ginger wild boy spent the first 1.5 years of his life wrapped in a blanket hand knit by my grandmother.  Grandma N had passed before he was born (a sad loss for the world. ..she was truly a remarkable woman) and I turned to Grandma L who gladly helped.

Though all three eventually outgrew the attachment to their “special blankies,” I keep each tucked away.  The sight and touch of them reminds me of so many days and sooooo many long nights.

Fast forward to now…

It was late last week when I realized in all of this chaos Marshall didn’t have a “special blankie.”   I, of course, panicked and frantically turned to Michael.  His mom (Marshall’s grandma) is fortunately (and luckily and gratefully) skilled in this department. Just days later, she gave us this:

marshallspecialblankie

I could have cried.  And was again rendered speechless in this huge wave of gratitude, surprise, and relief.

Thank you sooo much, Grandma Martha, for pulling off what I’ll forever remember as “The Special Blankie Extraordinare.”

Three. Days.

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can't stop

 

The past week has been a blur of frenetic activity.

Confession: I have so much to do and so much on my mind that I don’t want to do anything.

But I must.

With a life changing event just days away and as the mom of soon to be four sons, there’s a lot of work in just getting all of us where we need to go (provided I don’t lose my mind first 😉 .) 

Tomorrow is my last appointment with my local ob/gyn.  Last week’s went well enough.  My blood pressure is still a bit high but Marshall passed his non-stress test with flying colors (despite making me worry about his heart rate at times).  Nurse T and Dr. K again offered their reassurance.  

I can’t shake this feeling of suspended disbelief.

I can’t believe we’re so close to meeting him.  

I can’t believe we’ll be so far from the wild boys. 

I can’t believe the amount of support we have received from people near and far and everywhere in between.

Thank you for your kindness.  Every bit helps as we make our way from a family of five to a family of six!!!   

Coffee cheers to hope.

A Cape, A Crib, A Carseat, and Some Mild Contractions

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Marshall received lots of gifts this week.
And is now the recipient of a “superhero” cape to match his “superpowers” made especially for him by his Auntie C.

We have nine days until he can model this himself but here’s a preview:
marshallcape

I, of course, cried. There’s been a lot of that in the past few days.

Yesterday was full of surprises.

Michael and I both received really good work related news. So we (in an eternally grateful way) have one less worry on our minds as we help Marshall meet the challenges he is facing.  This news made me cry, too.

To the point that I was late for a follow up with Dr K yesterday. They fortunately forgave me and the appointment led to this:

Marshall cooperated for the entire non-stress test (SURPRISE! there’s no room left to hide, little man!).
My blood pressure is up a little.
and I was having mild contractions at 3 minutes or so apart (the look of near terror in Michael’s eyes later as I relayed this and a little background information was priceless.  I assured him to only worry if it’s so bad I can do nothing but lament about how bad it is 😉 ).

I’m not a betting woman but if you’d like, place your bets: will Marshall be here before when he scheduled to arrive on January 9???  Either way, we’ll be (mostly) ready to bring him HOME and have all of our boys together.

I’m absolutely dreading the separation to the point that I can’t even think about it right now. So I don’t.

Onto the good news: we picked up Marshall’s crib last night compliments of a family member! It’s not new but it’ll do.

And we’ve “booked” accommodations for the night of January 8.   Michael’s friends are taking us in. And I’m sooo looking forward to meeting them.  They offered to purchase Marshall’s car seat because we “never had a baby party.”  So sweet!

I think it is completely safe to say that Michael and I are entirely blown away by the overwhelming kindnesses bestowed upon us by so many people – even strangers.

We can’t thank you all enough.

Especially when, as a writer, I haven’t the right words to express the sheer power of generosity and vast gratitude I feel.

My goodness, THANK YOU SO MUCH<3

How Did We Get So Lucky?

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The holiday festivities and wild boys’ school break have thrown a loop into the updates.

There’s just not enough time.  And it’s growing shorter still.

The good news is last week’s appointment went well.  And Auntie Erin got a preview of how Marshall’s “cooking.”    The fluid levels increased from a mere 5.4  to 8.3 after several days of rest!  We’re still low normal but we’re running with it.  Marshall cooperated so I got an early Christmas present: the first really good look at his darling little face.

We also saw his toenails(!), more of the “money shots,” and the fact his hair has doubled in length in just one week’s time.

Then Nurse T made me cry after Sonographer E ushered us into the fetal monitoring room.

This was waiting for us:

marshalltammy


Nurse Tammy declared: “I wanted Marshall to know I believe in him.”
I burst into tears.
And thanked Nurse T endlessly.   Her thoughtfulness extended to the wild boys (with her gift of candy which I half-threatened to feed them before I brought them in with me 😉 ) and to little teeny onesies & tiny little matching pants.

How did we get so lucky?

We’ve been so profoundly blessed with so many remarkable people to help us navigate this difficult road.

Christmas was magical in so many ways – from the food to the family time, we made many happy memories.

There’s so much to be thankful for.