One year ago today Marsh was in the Upstate Golisano Emergency Department with a heart rate of 236 beats per minute.

The medical professionals in the ED tried three rounds of antiarrythmic – each a tier higher than the last- to try to bring his heart rate down.

When the most powerful antiarrythmic worked, it only brought Marsh’s heart rate down to the 129-135 beat per minute range. And Marsh’s “best friend Super Smith” was out of town. And Marsh, in his words, was “good” and “ready to go home now.”

Fear held a tight grip around the hope in my heart for Marsh then. And ever since that hospitalization, it hasn’t let go.

Marsh was so sick. The iv antiarrythmic burned a hole in his arms. The cardioversion succeeded in lowering his heart rate so much he had bradycardia. His cardiac output was so low and so slow IVs would go bad and require 4 pokes to replace them. He couldn’t breathe, barely move, eat, or other basic human functions – let alone do the things he loved to do. His kidneys and liver were unwell. And because of the circulation he had, he packed seven pounds of fluid in his chest.

That hospitalization left Marsh dangling so dangerously close to the edge of the limb on the tree of life. All of the fear in my own heart was (and has been) reflected over and over and back in the eyes of the Syracuse and Boston teams since.

When Dr. Smith returned from out of town, it was very clear that my instincts and worries were aligned with Dr Smith’s findings. (As an aside: months after the fact, Dr. Smith asked me how his poker face was that night. I told him the truth: I didn’t buy it.)

Marsh has worked so hard to just “be.” I wonder about the “how.” I mean when the world’s best (who has seen the world’s worst) looks at you and agrees that they don’t even know…you know that all of the love, good thoughts, and hefty prayers have made all the difference.

And Marsh is so astoundingly happy. If I had to put a number on it, he has been happy for 95% of the 2,462 days we have had with him.

Even if they are exhausting and I ramble;-).

As I sit trudging through the memories, I am so incredibly thankful for now 💖💖💖💖💖💖