Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of when we found out Marshall was a boy.

And when we found out about Marshall’s extraordinary heart.

Just remembering that day brings me to tears.

To say this week has been easy would be a total, absolute lie.

To say the weeks since we were freed from “Hotel Boston Children’s” have not been extremely difficult would also be a total, absolute lie.

To say this past year of my life has been the hardest I’ve ever lived is the absolute, unadulterated truth. Knowing it will only get harder before it gets easier is a constant reminder to just savor now. At times, especially days like today, now gets away from me and I think ahead. And there is so much to worry about. I dread Marshall’s second surgery. There’s so much at stake. And being away from my big boys for another extended period of time is a thought I can’t even consider right now. And there’s the financial concerns…these are trivial to me in comparison to pulling my family through the next few months but still a major issue…

Thank goodness for the people whose support, good thoughts, prayers, and kindness have steadied this roller coaster of a year.

Sadly there are a select few people in Marshall’s, the big wild boys’, and my own lives whose criticism, judgment, harsh words, and questionable behavior have made the 364 days since August 22, 2013 much, much harder than they needed to be.

Attempts at bridging the gap were a painful, heartbreaking feat in futility.

And as you all well know, I don’t accept defeat easily.

So for now, I have chosen to retreat. And to concentrate on refueling.

That said, I’m disconnecting from technology (except for reading my first ebook…a cheap treat to myself.) And I may post some pics since Marshall’s fan base requests them regularly ;-).

Then I am taking to my favorite hills with my favorite people to celebrate these four little men who light up my life.

And I am going to lean a little on the love of my family to help me gather my strength and regain my ability to stay in the here and now. Tomorrow always takes care of itself.

As for today, however, Adirondack pine filled air will not only be good for the heart but also magnificent for the soul.