Marshall won’t eat but he is happy.  We are still doing this weird dance.  Docs think he is making process (he is back on the floor instead of the icu) but I think he is moving sideways.

He is on oxygen now. 

And he is still so  awfully sick.  His eye sparkle is dull.  He has lost nearly one pound.  His strength is shaky.

Watching this is too much for words.

But as I wept this morning while holding Marshall, he. laughed.  Hard.  With this new and wonderful belly laugh/infectious giggle.

Yes I am ok with laughter.  (As a tangent, yesterday Michael experienced how ok I am with making an elevator full of strangers laugh.  You will have to wait for the book though ;-).)

Today’s laughter is proof that Marshall has the most amazing, most resilient spirit I have ever seen in a human being.

Which makes me look foolish.  If our little miracle can be happy through all of this, I should learn from his example.  But living with this much worry and longing is not easy. 

I miss all four of my children incredibly and terribly. 

Even Marshall. 

Maybe especially him.

We are watching a monstrous illness claim the best of our baby.  And what is worse is we are doing all we can to hold it off.

In all of the noise and chaos of this place, I tuned my ear to the fact that there has been mention of sending us back to NY while Marshall waits for a new heart (either in Upstate or home if we get super lucky).  He will likely make the list in July after his neurological team clears him from the stroke.

At the risk of sounding ridiculously optimistic, I think that we will happen to find ourselves in New York next week.  In fact, I am going to give this little boy a lecture on no more mischief to ensure it ;-).

Provided we can get him to eat.  Somehow.

Please keep sending the good thoughts and prayers.  He needs them more and more.